Engaging in arguments within a team is actually beneficial, as opposed to being detrimental.
While unanimity may create a sense of security, it does not lead to progress. To foster growth, disruption, and innovation, individuals must feel at ease expressing disagreement and contemplating diverse viewpoints within a secure setting.
The actual problem lies not in arguments themselves but rather in how they are handled.
Why Arguing in a Team is Good
There is a lot of value in disagreements. Disagreements help you better understand yourself and create the space to learn about new and different perspectives. As a result, disputes allow us to clearly understand, learn from, and appreciate the diversity of the people around us.
However, not everyone argues in a way that creates positive outcomes. Very few of us have been taught or modeled how to do that.
Most of us get stuck in bad habits that take us back to the same patterns of conflict every time we disagree. For instance, getting stuck in the need to be right and others are wrong. This approach can be hurtful and damaging to a team and business and creates missed growth opportunities.
Unhealthy Arguments
Arguing in a team can be destructive and unhealthy. Here is what that looks and sounds like:
1. I Am Right/ You Are Wrong. In this mindset, it’s easy to get stuck, dig heels in and create conflict. After all, you can’t always be ‘right.’ This approach jeopardizes and limits thinking. Consequently, it squashes innovation, creativity, problem-solving, connections, and relationships.
2. Not listening OR Hearing only what you want to hear, not what is said. Stephen Covey says it best, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” If teams don’t listen to each other, seeking to understand their perspective, they will continue to get stuck – see “I am right/ you are wrong.”
3. Thinking In Absolutes. When teams are black and white in their thinking, they leave little space for nuance. Instead they miss those shades of grey that are typically more real than either black or white. Shades of grey are where the magic happens.
4. The Dance. Teams often fall into old patterns that repeat themselves, bringing up a history that is unkind and unproductive. Like picking at an old sore, that may not even be relevant in the current context can only act as an accelerant, fanning the flames of dissent.